11.29.09

Dear You (you know who you are)

Posted in Personal at 12:35 pm by Strumpet

Before starting this lovely letter, I want to point all my readers to this lovely post. It made my day.

Ahem.

Dear You,

For the love of all that is holy, get your shit together. How old are you, 32 for christsakes? Stop using our friendship (we don’t have one) me as an ego boost. I don’t exist to hang out with you when your girlfriend is away, or when you’re not sure that you want to be with her, or when you want to do mildly infidelitous things. Doing this makes you a twatwaddle, and turns me into a twatwaddle by association.

Grow.the.fuck.up.

Thank you,

Ms. Strumpet

11.27.09

I need to remember this.

Posted in Personal at 8:03 pm by Strumpet

No matter how I turn it around in my head, it comes to this: if a person cares about a relationship, that person stays. The person who cares doesn’t give up so easily.

If a person gets angry, he or she can be angry and not abandon. He or she may need to step away to get a clear head, or to not say something hurtful or stupid… but the relationship is valued, so there isn’t a quality of physical or emotional abandonment to the retreat. The same thing goes for feeling hurt. Painful emotions aren’t a good enough excuse for checking out.

When I define love as an action-state, all of this is very clear. When I fall back into thinking love is merely a quality of mood, the view is murkier.

11.21.09

Old, Tired Solar Systems

Posted in Personal at 12:54 pm by Strumpet

I had an epiphany last night, while sitting at Dee’s, having a beer with a friend. I am the only one who can get rid of my Ambivalent Douchebag Orbit (henceforth referred to as ADO). ADO is defined as the set of not particularly irritating though not particularly endearing or entertaining set of men that don’t want to actually establish a friendship or relationship with me, but would rather appear once every few months via text messages or weird face-to-face encounters and then quickly disappear again, only to show up a few months later.

I’ve been thinking about my ADO lately, as I just definitively ended a relationship with a person that would have qualified as an ADO member, but instead somehow managed to get into a relationship with me. M and I dated for three months, and it was pretty clear after the first month that he wasn’t all that into it…and yet, he never let the relationship go. I made a break with him about two weeks ago, and then we had a weird limping along phase, wherein we were deciding what we were going to do (yes, I know, this was rather stupid). This Thursday, it ended, and after the show of ridiculous idiocy that was part of our evening (and really, part of the overall mood that was our relationship) I made a decision to not speak to him again. No, I wasn’t going to entertain the idea of being friends with him- he was hurtful (sometimes outright malicious in word and deed), childish, and not particularly compelling; it was clear that there was nothing more that I wanted from him. Thus, getting home from our dinner and yelling match, I removed him from my Facebook friends list and my phone and sent him a text telling him not to contact me and wishing him well.

I woke up yesterday feeling FANTASTIC. It was so freeing, just being done with this half-assed relationship that, for the past two months, had served only as a drain on my time, feelings and attention. (Of course, a few more texts came in during the morning, and while I first attempted to reason with him, I finally stated that I wanted him to respect my wishes and let me be…and thus far, he has.) Yesterday felt clean and good and light. I wasn’t sad yesterday, and I’m certainly not feeling sad today.

So, last night, after I had a voicemail that was delivered at 10:30pm from an ADO member who thought it was appropriate to call that late to “watch a movie”, and while I was getting text messages from another one of my ADO members about meeting up at the bar (he never did show up…shocker!) I knew what had to be done. Today, I am deleting all of my ADO members from my phone, and blocking them in my Gchat, and finally doing what I should have done long ago- dropping the dead weight. These people are sometimes hurtful, often childish, and not particularly entertaining. I’m not getting much from them in the way of friendship, and they’re generally just a drain on my time, feelings and attention. Not worth it!

Now, I’m off to go have a great day sans my old, tired solar system. Ciao!

11.04.09

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:08 pm by Strumpet

v., court·ed, court·ing, courts.
v.tr.
To attempt to gain; seek: courting wealth and fame.
To behave so as to invite or incur: courts disaster by taking drugs.
To try to gain the love or affections of, especially to seek to marry.
To attempt to gain the favor of by attention or flattery: a salesperson courting a potential customer.
Zoology. To behave so as to attract (a mate).
v.intr.
To pursue a courtship; woo.
Zoology. To engage in courtship behavior.
idiom:
pay court to

To flatter with solicitous overtures in an attempt to obtain something or clear away antagonism.
To seek someone’s love; woo.

I’m pretty sure courting isn’t supposed to feel like an emotionally-detached walk through a minefield…yeah, I’m sure about that.