12.05.09
I burn for no reason, like a lantern in daylight.
“Gravitate toward those who like you to be powerful.” – Rob Brezsny
“Real fear is a pure and simple emotional response to perceived threat, which is not always the same as actual threat.” – Antero Alli
“I burn for no reason, like a lantern in daylight” – Joseph Lease
The last few days have me pondering all the times I’ve squeezed myself into a small space to make someone else more comfortable…all the times I haven’t burned like a lantern in the daylight…all the times I’ve not said what I really thought should be said…all the times that I have tried to ignore that I am a “lava beast that leaves no stone unturned” when I am around snowmen (a friend’s metaphor for my nature and the nature of those that find me a bit scary).
It’s hard to envision myself this way. It isn’t comfortable to think that I embody qualities that are off-putting; thinking about it more deeply, most of my uncomfortable life moments have stemmed from my desire to cover up the parts of me that scare others off, have come about because I’ve squeezed into boxes that leave no room to breathe. I forget that sometimes uncomfortable is good, that fear isn’t always a sign that one has encountered something dangerous, and that relationships of substance empower and encourage growth.
I guess this might be a good time for the lava beast to shine like a lantern in the daylight. I’m too tired to continue hiding for those who want me to be smaller, less bright, less me. Being less is more work than I thought it would be.
Sahira said,
December 5, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Great post, Toaster! Let yourself shine as brightly as you can!
And know as well, that we often pay a price for this. I expect that you are like me, and the price for shining is easier to bear than the price that comes with hiding.
All too often I say things that are unpopular or I stand in my power when I know people don’t want me to. Sometimes it has cost me dearly, but with self-awareness and study and growth I have come to understand how I need to be, to hold on to my integrity. I can only stand in my truth and act with as much compassion as I can muster. I was not put on the planet to coddle anyone’s weakness, including my own.
Stand strong, be strong, shine brightly!